Aitchy and me

I have spent a significant portion of my life within the higher education environment. But it hasn’t always been a fabulous relationship. This isn’t an experience that I like to talk about, but its important in the context of autism and the impact it can have on the student experience.

When I was just gone 18 and straight out of A levels, I made an unsuccessful attempt at studying Biochemistry at York University. It was a learning experience, but one that I would rather not have had. At 18 I had never left the UK or travelled more than a few hours from home. I didn’t know how to cook. As an autistic teenager I had huge hang ups about food and I hated eating in front of people. I was terrified of socialising with new people. I really, really, really struggled from the moment my parents left me at my new halls of residence. Living with 15 other teenagers was overwhelming for me. And York had (unknown to me before I started) a very different demographic of students to those I was accustomed to mixing with in Middlesbrough.

Lectures were a new stress in themselves. Mostly in massive old wooden lecture theatres crammed full of students, with bright lights and a tiny blackboard at the front. Staff churned through hours of material whilst students scribbled down notes. I can’t explain it, but I just can’t sit in a full lecture theatre, even now.

The library was a gloomy, moss covered block of concrete and I really hated going there, especially on my own. Everyone else knew what they were doing, but I somehow missed the memo. How did they know – did they ask? I couldn’t face approaching someone I didn’t know and asking for help. There was no internet, so no online studying. It was lectures and books, or nothing. So, I chose nothing. I stopped attending lectures, didn’t do my work, didn’t eat and lost a lot of weight, and became very isolated and unhappy. And hence I became a university drop out. No one would have known (or asked) why I didn’t engage, I was just perceived to not be of the York academic standard and quickly swept out of the way.

I’ve been back to York University campus three times since I left – all in my role as an academic at Teesside. And honestly, I still feel some physical symptoms of anxiety just being on that campus. After dropping out, I remained in the city of York for four years working in retail, and I eventually developed a group of friends outside of the university. I still feel a kinship with York, from the experiences I had working in the city, but I don’t feel even the tiniest attachment to the university.

But this was 30 years ago, and things have changed considerably, or so I hope. I went back to uni in my 20s – to Teesside University in my home town. I loved every minute of it, and it was a fantastic reaffirming experience for me. Being older and a tiny bit more experienced with people made a huge difference. I moved back home with my parents who lived in Middlesbrough, so in between lectures I had a safe space for respite. Online learning had just started and I could look at materials before my lectures which removed the surprise element of teaching sessions. Ultimately I felt at home at Teesside, surrounded by people who accepted me and more importantly, included me with no strings attached. In this space I thrived at University and went on to achieve amazing things as a student – winning prizes and going on to do a PhD. I eventually returned to work at Teesside as a researcher and lecturer, wanting more than anything in the world to be part of the team that provided me with so much support and opportunity. When you experience that feeling of support, you inevitably want to pay it forward to other people.

My journey through higher education as an autistic student will be different to yours. And now I am sitting on the other side of the fence as a autistic lecturer and researcher, which brings its own challenges that I’ve not yet managed to overcome.

There’s now a tonne of research about the autistic student journey through HE. I’m putting together a reading list for a future blog post about Universal Design for Learning and Autism in HE. So look out for future posts on this topic 🎓!

In my opinion, the most important progress we have made in HE over the last couple of years is around awareness and acceptance. Being able to ‘come out’ and publicly disclose being autistic is a fantastic step towards inclusion. Reading journal papers is informative but I honestly want to hear about my own students journeys and experiences. I want to talk to other academic staff about their struggles and successes. I want to know, and I want others to know too, that they are not alone. Can we create a community of autistic folk within the HE environment? Would this provide the support that we need?

I would love such a group to exist, anyone want to join me?

(NB It is important to also acknowledge that any disclosure of disability is a privilege that not everyone is able to do).

World Autism Awareness Day is on Tuesday 2nd April 2024. I’m planning on raising awareness by …. mostly knitting at the moment (my one track autistic brain at it again). Does anybody want to team up and plan some activities for that week? I’d love to hear ideas and join in planned events.

So for Autism Awareness Day I’m planning on knitting a new version of my ‘Wheres your head at’ headband. Here’s the Young Minds world mental health day version. What colour / theme design should I choose for autism awareness? Any suggestions welcome 😊.